


Hard to Get

by sichada



Category: Junjou Romantica, Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi
Genre: M/M, Prequel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-01-20 12:31:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12432909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sichada/pseuds/sichada
Summary: Prequel to both series: Onodera Ritsu can't help but feel like the professional boundaries he has as an editor for the famous Usami Akihiko are rapidly becoming blurry. Ritsu/Akihiko.





	1. A Sense of Peace is Hard to Get

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I feel like before we begin, there is something I should address. Given that this fic is a prequel to both Sekai Ichi Hatsukoi (Ritsu was 25 at the start) and Junjou Romantica (Usagi was 28) this means that neither Ritsu and Usagi have transferred to Marukawa yet. Since Usagi would have worked with Aikawa for a while at Marukawa before meeting Misaki, these two would be about 22 here (which would be the expected time I would assume for both of them to have graduated college)? Anyway, if there’s confusion in reference to ages, that’s why I’m doing it this way.

_Hard to Get_

Chapter 1

An Agreement is Hard to Get

            Onodera Ritsu could recall the moment he had told his mother that he had been assigned to work with the recently renowned Usami Akihiko. There was a little too much joy for Ritsu to handle, as his mother seemed to gush more about the author than about Ritsu taking responsibility for a skyrocketing star once he graduated from college.

            _‘I can’t believe my boy is going to work with the famous Usami Akihiko!’_

_‘He’s so talented, and very good looking, too! I wonder if I could get your Father to introduce me…’_

_‘Ritsu, this is very important, okay? Do not screw up this job!’_

_‘Don’t harsh him too critically; that man is likely a delicate flower the way he writes.’_

            _‘Oh, Mother,’_ Ritsu sighed to himself, as he approached the door of Akihiko’s complex, _‘If only you knew what a flower he really is.’_

            He knocked loudly several times, only to find no response. Option 1: Akihiko was so deep in thought that he was producing page after page, or option 2: he was most likely fast asleep.

            Ritsu knocked even louder. “Sensei, we discussed yesterday that I would be coming over. Please open up.”

            He twisted the door knob furiously. Of course it was locked. It was taking all of Ritsu’s strength not to break down the door as he knocked again.

            “Sensei, wake up!”

            Within a few seconds, the door slowly opened, revealing Usami’s glaring presence. Before him, there seemed to be a dark, oozing aura with a cloud thick enough to cover the entire room. Ritsu hadn’t anticipated option 3: Akihiko being in a terrible mood.

            “What’s with all the racket? Is that how you greet a person?” Akihiko grumbled.

            Ritsu grimaced. _‘He’s a flower alright, Mother—a damn Venus fly trap—that’s what he is!’_

            “A-anyway, Sensei,” Ritsu said, clearing his throat, “As we agreed, I was going to come at this time to check on you, as your deadline is rapidly approaching…”

            “It’s not ready yet,” Akihiko replied.

            Ritsu felt an inner scream building up. Father was going to kill him if he had nothing to show. “Well, since I am technically on company time and I came out here, how about we at least have a look at what you’ve done so far?”

            “I’m about to have a cigarette,” Akihiko said dismissively, as if to brush off him off.

            “That’s fine, that’s fine!” Ritsu spoke rashly, practically rushing into the complex to nab a seat on the couch. “It’s your place—you can smoke wherever you like.”

            Akihiko resigned at this point, lighting his cigarette as he headed towards his office room. “Wait here while I print out everything.”

            Ritsu sat quietly, musing at his surroundings.

            No matter how many times Ritsu had visited, it sometimes seemed as if the apartment had gotten bigger and bigger each time.

            Of course, Ritsu had no room to talk, as he was still living with his well-off parents, but something this glamorous looked almost unattainable even with the wage he was currently making.

            Akihiko emerged from the office after sometime with a stack of papers. The title on the top page said _The Box That Houses the Moon_.

            “Alright, so, you said this isn’t finished yet, but you do have quite a lot here, and that’s not even counting from the last time we had met,” Ritsu reflected, sifting through the pages. “My question, then, is how can I help you resolve the story?”

            “That’s what I’m trying to figure out, as well,” Akihiko said, taking a drag of his cigarette. “All I can think of is that the couple breaks up, and just as she realizes that she truly loves him, he dies of his illness in the middle of the night and she ends up burying herself with his body.”

            Ritsu blinked, trying not to lose composure. “Sensei, that’s a little dark for the nature of this story, don’t you think?”

            “Why? It was never a happy story to begin with,” Akihiko stated.

            “No, but even considering everything else, that ending seems…a bit out of left field. I’m not exactly sure why she would even bury herself,” Ritsu critiqued.

            “It’s not exactly like I have any better ideas right now,” Akihiko retorted.

            Ritsu huffed, thinking to himself. He’d need a little bit of time to read through everything before coming up with an appropriate final verdict.

            It wasn’t like a modern fairytale happy ending was possible, but there could still be something less tragic than what Akihiko had described. Besides that, while this was the first book Ritsu had worked on with Akihiko, Ritsu had been previously familiar with his work, which had gotten increasingly depressing in content. Of course, these books were excellent enough to make Akihiko rise to the top as a successful author, but nonetheless, it was worrisome how sad each story had gotten as time went on.

            Right then, the phone rang. Akihiko had already gotten up from the couch.

            “You can take it, I’ll just need a moment to look through all of this,” Ritsu said, already beginning to rapidly read through what Akihiko had completed thus far.

            “Hello, Takahiro?” Ritsu heard Akihiko answer in the next room.

            It wasn’t often, but there were times when Akihiko had received calls from whoever this Takahiro person was.

            From whatever he could hear, it sounded like a friendly conversation—which he honestly did not think Akihiko was really capable of having.

            Yet, at a distance, just by looking at Akihiko’s face, something looked very familiar about his expression. Somehow, it reminded Ritsu of a certain affair during his youth—

            _‘No, no! Absolutely not!’_ he seethed, _‘Don’t even think about him now! It’s been so long. Just concentrate on your work…’_

            “Why is your face red?” Akihiko asked suddenly.

            Ritsu shot up, slamming the book shut. “Nothing—my allergies are just acting up.”

            Akihiko seemed to ignore the response, sitting next to Ritsu on the couch again. “Did you finish reading?”

            “Yes,” Ritsu answered, “And I definitely like where the story is heading so far, but I still don’t think it fits well with your original idea of an ending.”

            “I figured,” Akihiko sighed as he lit another cigarette. “I do have one other option, though.”

            “What’s that?” Ritsu inquired.

            “The couple breaks up, and she ends up leaving him for the best friend.”

            “That might be one option,” Ritsu said thoughtfully, “I did have a feeling he had unrequited feelings for her.”

            “It doesn’t sound strange?” asked Akihiko.

            “No, I mean, he’s been there with her the whole time. He’s not exactly stalking her, but he’s always watching over to make sure she’s happy,” he explained.

            Akihiko’s face seemed to almost light up. “Do you really think so?”

            Ritsu shrugged. “Well, yeah. If those two didn’t stay together, I thought she’d get together with him.”

            “I’ll have to think on it more. Thank you. I appreciate your input,” Akihiko said, mouth nearly curved into a rare smile.

            Ritsu’s heart nearly skipped a beat, seeing such a foreign expression. Normally the author either appeared to either be a grump or an ungrateful spoiled rich kid (much like he had been), but this was the first time he had shown gratitude—or any sign of humanity.

            “Of course,” he replied, “It’s my job, you know.”

~~~

            As their meeting came to a close, Ritsu’s phone had vibrated suddenly.

            An’s message came up with a picture of herself with another man.

            “Your girlfriend?” Akihiko questioned as Ritsu flipped his phone open.

            “Not exactly,” Ritsu sighed, shutting off his phone immediately before continuing to pack his knapsack.

            “How can someone not exactly be your girlfriend?” Akihiko teased.

            Ritsu huffed. _‘Just tell him. Maybe he’ll understand since he comes from a rich family too.’_ “My parents arranged for us to get married, okay?”

            “Oh, that must be exciting,” Akihiko said sarcastically, lighting another cigarette.

            “It’s… complicated. She has feelings for me, but I don’t have feelings for her,” he explained.

            “So she’s confessed to you?” Akihiko asked.

            “Yeah, back when we were 15 she did. We did agree we would see other people, but I don’t need to know about every boyfriend she’s had in an effort to try and make me jealous,” Ritsu answered. “She’s a good friend and I care about her, but not that way.”

            “I suppose your parents aren’t letting you get out of it then,” Akihiko remarked.

            Ritsu shook his head.

            “Well, you could just do what I did,” Akihiko said.

            “What’s that?”

            “Move out and ignore their calls,” he spoke nonchalantly, taking another drag.

            Ritsu stared blankly at him for a moment. He should’ve known Akihiko would have the strength to break away from his family without even thinking about it.

            “Perhaps, but this is my Father’s company. I just got hired not long ago,” Ritsu said.

            “Don’t limit yourself, though,” Akihiko replied, “You’re a good editor—I can tell even in our short time working together. I’m sure you could do well anywhere.”

            Ritsu couldn’t help but blush. “Y-you mean it?”

            “Of course,” Akihiko answered as he put out his cigarette. “For one, I can tell you have a passion for reading—which sounds silly, but I’ve come across editors that clearly are here because they think it’s just a proof reading job. Second, I feel I am actually able to collaborate with you. It makes this more of a team effort, rather than me having the burden of doing all the work.”

            Ritsu blinked several times. He hadn’t expected such a huge compliment—especially from the admirable Usami Akihiko.

            “Th-thank you,” he muttered, twiddling his thumbs nervously, “I do enjoy my work.”

            “Anyway,” Akihiko said, abruptlhy getting up from the couch, “I need to actually get rest before I pass out.”

            Without even so much as a goodbye, he closed the bedroom door, and the sound of him collapsing onto the bed seemed to resound throughout the entire apartment.

~~~

            That night, Ritsu found himself at the dinner table with his mother. His Father needed to stay behind at the office, as usual.

            “So, what’s this about An-chan getting a new boyfriend?” his mother asked before Ritsu could even take a bite of his rice.

            Ritsu shrugged. Likely she had heard the news from An’s mother before he even knew. “I don’t really know.”

            His mother sighed. “I just don’t get you kids today. You’re supposed to be engaged—not seeing other people.”

            “Mom, An-chan and I agreed about this a long time ago. We’ve been fine with it,” Ritsu reminded her.

            His mother smiled almost sympathetically, reaching over to pinch Ritsu’s cheek. “Oh Ritsu, you really just don’t understand women.”

            Ritsu furrowed his eyebrows. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, rubbing his cheek.

            “She’s trying to make you jealous, obviously. I don’t know why you won’t just reach out to her like she wants,” she said, calmly resuming eating her dinner. “It’s not like you have anyone you like, right?”

            A brief picture of a tall boy with black hair stroking Ritsu’s face flashed in his mind, and he tried to shake it out of his head.

            “I mean, I have dated other people too, Mom,” Ritsu replied.

            “Right, but at this very moment you’re not, so this is a good opportunity.”

            Ritsu found his appetite to have been lost once again.

~~~

            The next time they met, Akihiko had found himself taking the time to pace nervously as Ritsu read the rest of the draft, already on his second cigarette.

“Well?” Akihiko had prompted Ritsu, “Is it any better?”

            Ritsu nodded. “Yes, this definitely sounds better put together. I think with some tweaking, we might be able to send this in soon.”

            Akihiko almost sighed in relief, taking a moment to plop down next to Ritsu on the couch.

            Ritsu looked over at Akihiko. “When was the last time you’ve eaten?”

            “I’m not sure. Let’s see…” Akihiko searched around the room for the nearest clock. “About 29 hours ago?”

            Ritsu’s eyes widened. “29 hours ago!?”

            The other man exhaled a trail of smoke. “That’s not the first time it’s happened. I’ll be fine.”

            “Well you can’t live on a diet of cigarettes and sleep forever, Usami-Sensei,” Ritsu muttered.

            “I haven’t slept in about 24 hours either,” Akihiko added.

            Ritsu decided not to comment on that fact. Instead, he got up to open the cabinets, only to find that they were empty. “Don’t you have a microwave?”

            “No, I gave up on learning how to use it. I tried boiling an egg in the microwave and it exploded.”

            The editor couldn’t help but stare back at Akihiko in absolute disbelief.

Yet, Ritsu tried not to say anything as he had only just gotten the general grasp of how to use a microwave himself.

            “Maybe delivery is the better option… Do you know anyone that delivers?” he asked.

            “Normally I just pick up the food myself,” Akihiko answered.                

            Now that Ritsu thought about it, he likely would’ve done the same thing due to a lack of knowledge of local delivery food.

            “You’re in no condition to do that, Sensei,” Ritsu barked, taking out his phone to search for delivery places. “How does curry sound?”

            The author gestured with a lazy thumbs up, slumping even more as he was ready to crash onto the sofa.

            “Try not to sleep until after we eat, okay?” Ritsu told him.

            Akihiko nodded very slowly in reply.

            Ritsu could not help but feel like in this moment that he was taking care of a child his age.

            They had managed to keep the peace going for a while, wordlessly eating their dinner.

            Something about this had reminded Ritsu very briefly about the first time had eaten fast food with his Senpai. It was a different experience that he had nonetheless enjoyed, although he knew nothing about the concept of fast food since he always ate a meal prepared at his parents’ house

            Although this time, he had managed to flounder through the whole process with another equally as confused man. The look on the delivery boy’s face when neither of them knew how to pay him properly was priceless, as written American media had taught the two men about something not done in Japan called tipping.

            Ritsu had tried not to recount the embarrassing process, when he had managed to shout in the delivery boy’s face after brief arguing back and forth over the misunderstanding.

 _“Why aren’t you accepting my tip? That doesn’t make any sense!”_ _he had stated with absolute shock._

 _“That’s because you’re supposed to tip him 20%, idiot,”_ _Akihiko had chimed unhelpfully in the background._

 _“Right, I’m just going to leave this here. Make sure you don’t drive in your condition,”_ _the delivery boy spoke passively, leaving the food carefully on the ground as if he were feeding stray cats before bolting to his car._

Ritsu couldn’t stop blushing, trying not focus on the mishap as he cleaned off the table. Was he really so privileged that he had no idea how to pay for delivery?

He looked up at Akihiko, who finally had some more color in his face. _‘At least he looks more alive now. Seriously, how does someone just not take care of themselves like this?’_

Speaking of said man, Ritsu couldn’t help but notice that Akihiko had been staring at him the whole time. Something about his gaze seemed almost…odd?

By the time Ritsu had thrown the contents into the trash, Akihiko had already pushed his chair into the table and appeared before Ritsu.

 _‘Has he always been this tall?’_ Ritsu asked himself, trying not to shrink in the other man’s presence.

Akihik then lifted a hand, gently swiping against Ritsu’s cheek unexpectedly.

Ritsu nearly fell back in his stance, arms flailing.

“Wh-what was that for!?”

“You had some rice on your face,” Akihiko said bluntly. “Relax.”

Ritsu couldn’t help but rub his thumb against the spot where Akihiko had touched. If his face hadn’t been red before, he must’ve looked like a large tomato.

It didn’t take long for Akihiko to break out into a wild smirk. “What, it’s not like I was doing anything weird to you.”

“Touching my face kind of is,” Ritsu grumbled.

Akihiko laughed, backing away slightly. “Okay, I get it. You’re more serious than I thought you were,” he teased.

“And just what is _that_ supposed to mean?” Ritsu asked incredulously.

“I’m saying that somehow you’re even more stiff compared to the other editors I’ve worked with,” Akihiko answered with no remorse.

Ritsu couldn’t believe what he had just heard, slightly gaping. _‘How can someone go from praising me from one day to turning all that around in the next?’_ “Y-you must be delusional from a lack of sleeping and eating.”

“Maybe I’m delusional, but my point still stands,” Akihiko stated.

“Why are you picking on me? You’re the one who wears a scowl for a face every time I come over,” Ritsu fired back.  

“Not anymore than you do,” Akihiko said nonchalantly.  

“Then stop looking all pissed off when I visit, especially when you knew I was coming over. Stop writing really sad and serious novels all the time if you want a better atmosphere. Take your job seriously for once instead of making me into your babysitter. Most importantly, stop missing your deadlines and brushing me off during meetings!” Ritsu snapped, taking a moment to catch his breath immediately after.

Akihiko’s eyes widened. Never would he have expected the prim and proper boy to finally lose his cool, even after taking the time to take care of him, and in such a way that nobody had ever had with him.

And never would Akihiko have expected to be completely turned on.

Ritsu exhaled, pivoting towards the doorway. “Whatever, it’s not like you’re going to listen anyway, so I’ll just see you to collect the final draft.”

“Wait,” Akihiko said, suddenly grabbing for Ritsu’s wrist.

Ritsu had tried to pull away from Akihiko’s grip, still making a break for the door. “Let go of me!” he shouted.

Akihiko obeyed, releasing Ritsu while still continuing to move closer until he had cornered the other man against the door.

Their faces were so close to each other at this point that Ritsu could feel Akihiko’s breath.

“I’m sorry, okay? I know I’m the most difficult person to work with,” Akihiko apologized.

Ritsu blinked. His impromptu speech actually seemed to have effect.

 “I wasn’t trying to do any harm or insult you—I was just teasing you for fun,” he explained.

Ritsu had also never realized how fiery and pretty Akihiko’s eyes were until now.

He regained his composure all at once, looking away from Akihiko. “Yeah, well, it wasn’t fun.”

“Then maybe you should stop being so teasable,” Akihiko retorted, moving in even closer towards Ritsu.

In Ritsu’s eyes, Akihiko’s lips were crowding his vision in slow motion, clearly looking to land somewhere on his face.

Somehow, the other man’s lips looked inviting, and soft despite previous evidence that the man was likely dehydrated. If Ritsu had closed his eyes, it would be almost too easy to replace the author with memories of his Senpai…

The editor suddenly pushed Akihiko away with all his might, breaking through his thoughts.

“What are you doing!?” he exclaimed, blushing furiously.

            Akihiko feigned a monotone expression. “Huh?”

            “Y-you,” Ritsu huffed, pointing a finger at Akihiko, “You were trying to do something weird this time!”

            Akihiko slouched in his posture right then, pressing his palm against the side of his head. “I guess I’m just that tired.”

            Ritsu furrowed his eyebrows in disbelief, taking the awkward silence between them to calm down. “Just go to bed, okay? You’re clearly out of your mind right now.”

            “Will do,” Akihiko said as he turned around, dismissively flicking his hand towards Ritsu’s direction as if to say goodbye.

            Ritsu waited for Akihiko to shut the door behind him, taking a moment to absorb what had just happened before finally leaving. It would take a lot of tossing and turning at night to forget the feeling of Akihiko hovering over him, ready to take an opportunity and nearly kiss him.

            At least that by the end of the day, they could both agree on one thing: Akihiko was near impossible to be around.


	2. A Sense of Peace is Hard to Get

_Hard to Get_

Chapter 2

A Sense of Peace is Hard to Get

            After more days of hard work, exhaustion, and trying not to tear his hair out, Ritsu had finally managed to get _The Box That Houses the Moon_ published.

            It was an ultimately satisfying feeling for Ritsu to see that the book was a top seller when it first was released (although, that was also to be expected from the mind of the great Usami Akihiko).

            Between all the hours he and Akihiko had put in together, Ritsu was starting to understand for the first time what it meant to work without rest. If he stared hard enough at himself in the mirror, Ritsu would likely find that the bags under his eyes were becoming even more apparent (and of course, his Mother had no problem pointing that out).

            Just when Ritsu had thought there was a break, his calendar would remind him that the other publications from other authors were due—namely an important one from Sumi Ryouichi that he almost neglected with all the madness of working with Akihiko.

In a strange way, Ritsu had found that his energy was at least revived around other authors, which may have been in part due to his appreciation for their cooperation.

            And then Ritsu found himself out of the furnace and into the fire once again as his eyes fell upon the new title that Akihiko had prepared: _Nostalgia for the 25 th Century_.

            “This sounds promising,” Ritsu had said tiredly, enthusiasm still recovering.

            “You look like you’ve had no sleep,” Akihiko stated, the bags under his eyes looking equally as dark as the ashes from the cigarette he was currently smoking.

            “Look who’s talking,” Ritsu mumbled, already looking through the pages.

            “What was that?” Akihiko asked.

            “Nothing, I’m tired,” Ritsu sighed, hoping that Akihiko would give him a moment of silence, “I meant to say that I’m glad that you already have a new working title.”

            At least through the hectic time period of all the last minute edits, Akihiko had not tried to hit on Ritsu again.

Or maybe, Akihiko had no time or energy to do so.

            Every so often, Ritsu did find moments where he was looking over at Akihiko’s face, distracted by it as if it were plastered on a sparkling magazine cover, and then he would immediately shake any unwanted thoughts out of his head with mental shouts to focus.

Then Akihiko would look up and their eyes would meet, with only the words, “What is it?” parting from his soft, delicate lips that Ritsu could stare at forever, only to reply with a panicked, “Nothing! I’m just thinking…”

Yet, he felt that there were moments were Akihiko was watching him as well, and Ritsu couldn’t help if he was thinking the same things he was.

Ritsu snuck a quick glance at Akihiko while still gaining a sense of what the new story was about.

Okay, so what if Akihiko was…actually quite attractive? What difference did it make?

_‘I’m supposed to be his editor, not his…whatever. That would hurt both of us if we were to actually have a relationship,’_ Ritsu thought, trying to bury himself in Akihiko’s draft, _‘Besides, it’s not like it’d ever work out. He’s a real spoiled brat, after all.’_

“Well?” Akihiko inquired impatiently, ready to pace the room. “What do you think?”

Ritsu closed the book suddenly and managed to cover up his mini heart attack with a cough. _‘And this is exactly what I’m talking about. He always makes me so jumpy because he can’t wait another 5 damn seconds.’_ “I think it’s a good premise so far,” said Ritsu, once his brief flash of panic passed, “It’s very different compared to everything you’ve written so far.”

            If Ritsu had looked carefully enough, he could’ve sworn that Akihiko would have breathed a sigh of relief. Instead, he breathed out a long puff of smoke. “Funny, my friend said the exact same thing,” Akihiko replied.

            “You mean that Takahiro guy who’s always calling you?” asked Ritsu.

            Akihiko’s eyes widened. “What—no. I have a friend working on his PhD in Literature who helps me out.” He closed his eyes and took another drag. “Besides, Takahiro has enough on his plate to worry about.”

            It was very suspicious to Ritsu the way Akihiko’s face had completely softened at the mere mention of Takahiro’s name.

            “You’re pretty close to this…Takahiro, aren’t you Sensei,” Ritsu stated carefully.

            “I would like to assume so,” said Akihiko.

            Ritsu had more questions, but instead, he decided to let the aftertaste of the conversation linger in the air as he resumed reading.

  * -



Upon his arrival back at the office, Ritsu was summoned by his Father.

            As Ritsu was ready to knock on the door, he heard the last tid-bits of a heated conversation on the other side.

            _“With all due respect, Mr. Chairman, I still cannot accept your decision. Others feel the same as I do. I have been working here for a few years now with these…lower grade authors, and he gets the better pick just because he’s your son?”_

            Ritsu felt his heart sink. They were arguing about him?

            _“Regardless of how you feel, I am the Chairman. I have a plan in place that does not involve you. If you want to complain, go ahead, but you could be spending more time getting your job done instead.”_

            After a brief moment of silence, the other man stormed out of the room. He was so blind with rage that he didn’t even notice Ritsu leaning against the wall, scared for his life.

            “Ritsu, is that you I see over there?”

            On command, Ritsu slowly inched into his Father’s office. “Yes, Father.”

            He took a seat in silence, taking in the sight of his aging Father beneath the dim light. Books and papers were strewn about the entire room in such a way that it looked as if the other man had caused a whirlwind in his outrage.

            Yet to Ritsu, this room was untouched by time. He could recall many “Bring Your Son to Work” days where he’d sit in the opposite leather chair besides the one at his Father’s desk, trying to comprehend the complicated information in the books in his mini library. Never would he have thought that he would actually be working for his Father, or that a room once beloved and nostalgic to him now caused a deep feeling of dread.

            His Father looked up from the forms he was signing. “Oh, don’t worry. You’re not in trouble. I just wanted to do a quick check in with you on all your work, seeing as with everything going on I’ve completely forgotten to get your feedback.”

            Ritsu’s shoulders relaxed. “I understand you’re busy, Father. It’s alright. Everything is going well so far. Let’s see… Sumi-Sensei just needs a final revision. Nobody else is due anytime soon. Usami-Sensei is starting his new novel, though.”

            The Chairman nodded. “I see. How is it working with Usami-Sensei?”

            “He’s, uh…” Ritsu paused, careful not to slip an insult, “… _Interesting_ to work with.”

            Ritsu’s Father laughed. “Ah, yes. He’s talented, but quite an oddball.”

            Ritsu blinked in disbelief. _‘So he knew all this time…?’_

            “Well, considering you’re working on your second book with him, I can’t imagine he’s giving you too much of a hard time,” Ritsu’s Father reflected.

            “If you knew he was so much trouble, why did you even send me in the first place, Father?” asked Ritsu.

            Ritsu’s Father shrugged. “Well, simply enough, we needed someone to be his editor. He’s one of our best-sellers. I figured since you’re about his age and I feel that you have more patience, I thought you would be more suited for the job.”

            _‘I don’t know exactly if that’s true,’_ Ritsu thought, recounting when he had lost his patience and screamed at Akihiko for the first time a few months ago, back when they were still working on their first book together.

He grabbed his pen and signed at the bottom of another form. “Besides, you could use the experience of learning to work with frustration.”

            _‘Frustration is putting it mildly,’_ Ritsu thought bitterly, then said, “So, is that why you didn’t let the other guy take on Usami-Sensei?”

            “Who?”

            Ritsu swallowed nervously as he tried not to remember the other employee’s harsh words. “You know, the guy that was clearly talking about me as he left.”

            Ritsu’s Father nodded. “Precisely.” He then shoved his papers to the side to give Ritsu full attention. “Look, son, I wouldn’t have put you to this job if I thought you couldn’t do it. Besides, I certainly don’t think _he_ would last a day.” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, don’t let that kind of talk get to you. I certainly didn’t when I first started working here.”

            Somehow, Ritsu had felt that there was a weight lifted off of his shoulders. “Thank you, Father,” he said with a bow.

            “Take care, Ritsu,” his Father said as he resumed his paper work, “Oh and before you go, there’s one more thing I need to tell you.”

            “What’s that?” asked Ritsu.

            “Apparently An-chan broke up with that boy she was hanging around. Your Mother recommends giving a call to comfort her at the end of the day,” said the Chairman.

  * -



After a good handful of visits, Ritsu was surprised by just how fast time flew by. At this point, per Ritsu’s last visit, Akihiko was more than half-way done with his new novel.

Ritsu quietly tried not to jinx himself about Akihiko whipping into shape after their “talk” that seemed like so long ago, reminding himself as he got into the elevator how temperamental Akihiko was. One day he could be compliant and productive, and the next, a child constantly throwing tantrums or avoiding doing work.

Yet, Ritsu couldn’t help but feel triumphant, reveling in the feeling that Akihiko was trying making his job easier (or as much as he really could without warranting a mental breakdown from Ritsu).

 As Ritsu exited the elevator, he was surprised to hear bantering from down the hall, followed by the loud sound of Akihiko’s door hitting against the wall when it opened.

Outside stepped a slender man about Ritsu’s height, who also seemed just as exhausted as he was.

They made eye contact as their paths were ready to cross, and the other man stopped in his tracks.

“Can I help you?” the man asked dismissively.

“I, uh…” Ritsu couldn’t see inside Akihiko’s room at his distance. “I assume Usami-Sensei’s at home?”

“Yeah, he’s in there alright,” the man sighed, fixing the glasses on his face, “I suppose, then, you’re one of the ‘students’ he’s tutoring?”

“Students?” Ritsu repeated in confusion. He felt his thoughts race at top speed. Did that have a sexual connotation or literal meaning? What exactly were they talking about in there? “A-actually, I’m his editor from Onodera Publishing.”

The other man examined Ritsu carefully. “Oh. My mistake then.” With that, the other man quickly left the conversation. “You have a lot of work to do, by the way.”

Ritsu looked back as the man quietly left the floor down the steps. _‘Well, it would be just like Akihiko to make strange friends.’_

As he approached Akihiko’s door, Ritsu finally caught a glimpse of the author lying dejectedly on the couch and on the floor, various books that looked as if they had been thrown on the floor.

“…Usami-Sensei?”

“What?” Akihiko asked instantaneously with a long and drawn growl.

Ritsu held onto the strap of his sack tightly. Whatever had happened, Akihiko was clearly in a terrible mood. “I’m here for our appointment.”

Akihiko rolled over on the couch so that his face could be seen. “Give me a break, will ya?”

Ritsu pinched the bridge of his nose. This was going to be a painful visit. So much for making his job easier. “I would, but I am here, Usami-Sensei. I know you’re not done yet, but the deadline will be here before we know it. So please, I would appreciate it if you sat up instead of moping.”

“I’m not moping,” Akihiko replied.

“Then what are you doing?” Ritsu asked.

“I’m simply thinking intensely.”

Ritsu sighed. “Well, you can still ‘think intensely’ while you sit up.”

At that point, Akihiko realized that Ritsu wasn’t backing down, so he obeyed and gave Ritsu room to sit beside him.

“Is it about that guy that just left your apartment?” Ritsu inquired.

“You mean Hiroki? Kind of,” Akihiko paused thoughtfully, “To be more specific, it has to do with a mutual friend of ours.”

“Ah…” Ritsu stared down at the floor, marveling at the chaos that outmatched his Father’s office. _‘I wonder if maybe it’s that Takahiro guy again?’_ “And I guess that’s when you had some kind of…book war?”

“Correction, _he_ was the one throwing the books. Also, Hiroki did that during a different argument. He’s the one I told you that reads my manuscripts. We didn’t see eye to eye, and he got heated very quickly because I was ‘ignoring his criticism,’ Akihiko explained.

_‘You have a lot of work to do, by the way.’_ At least Ritsu was starting to understand the context of the situation.

“…Right. Anyway, hand me your manuscript so I can come up with a critique for myself, and we’ll take it from there.”

  * -



Two cigarettes and a short, unwarranted nap the author took later, Ritsu had finally reached the last page of what was written thus far.

Instead of speaking right away, Ritsu pressed his fist against his chin thoughtfully as Akihiko’s impatient gaze nearly burned him alive.

“So…” Ritsu cleared his throat. “I’m not sure what your friend Hiroki complained about, but I imagine it has something to do with what happened after the main character went back in time and got the girl without changing anything in the future.”

Akihiko sighed. “As usual, you are perceptive.”

“It’s not that I disagree because the future doesn’t completely change, because honestly in these circumstances it makes sense, but I feel that this couple doesn’t really…make much sense.”

“Hiroki said that, too.” Akihiko said, bowing his head in defeat.

“Well, it’s just that you never established whether or not she had feelings for him. He confessed, and she just kind of went along with it,” Ritsu continued.

“Alright, I get it. I’ll go back and add more lovey-dovey interactions, or something,” Akihiko huffed, throwing his head back against the sofa as he sat down.

“You could,” Ritsu said, “Or, I would even have him pair up with that other girl? I thought they had some chemistry.”

“I did consider it. She’s not a childhood friend, though—they just work together.”

“So what?” Ritsu asked.

Akihiko sat still to the point of almost sinking into the couch slowly as he fell into his realization. “I guess you’re right.”

“Anyway,” Ritsu said as he packed his bag, “I think what you have here is great. It’s taken on a different tone compared to your other works.”

“Different how?” Akihiko asked.

“Just that it’s…I don’t know, less dreary? It has a little more hope, and I’m excited to see the ending,” Ritsu answered, swinging the bag over his shoulder as he walked towards his shoes sitting on the front mat. “Anyway, I’ll be back soon to wrap up everything.”

“Wait,” Akihiko called out to Ritsu, just as he was about to slip on his loafers. “There’s something I feel like I should explain to you.”

Ritsu stood there. “Yes?”

“I, uh…” He seemed to swallow back up his words as he was ready to say them. “…How about you sit closer?”

Confused, Ritsu obeyed, kicking off his shoes and assuming a seat next Akihiko. “Like this?”

“Yes.”

They sat in silence for a moment, until Ritsu looked at his watch. “Sensei, it’s unfair if you keep me here and not say anything. No offense, but you’re not the only author I work with”—

“I’m in love with Takahiro,” Akihiko blurted out suddenly. Like ripping off a band-aid, the pain seemed completely over with, and Akihiko almost sighed in relief.

“I’m…sorry?” Ritsu asked with a puzzled expression. Not that he was really surprised, but the sudden confession still somehow seemed unwarranted.

“For clarification, Hiroki has been urging me to move on from Takahiro,” Akihiko answered.

“I mean, have you even tried asking him out?” Ritsu questioned.  

“No, because I’m afraid of ruining our friendship. Takahiro is pretty sensitive and has a lot going on, and the last thing I need to do as his best friend is to make things harder for him. Yes, I’m aware that my love is unrequited, but I still can’t help but wait, you know?”

Deep amber eyes suddenly clouded Ritsu’s vision. For those three years, all Ritsu could see was his Senpai—studying his movements and waiting for the moment that he would finally build up the courage to confess his feelings. Then he said those five words that had sealed his fate.

_“I’m in love with you.”_

“Onodera-san?” Akihiko asked, jolting Ritsu out of his reminiscence.

“Yes, I do know!” Ritsu stated with unexpected confidence, “And that’s absolutely why your friend is right!”

Akihiko scratched his head, looking back at Ritsu in complete shock. “I’m surprised. I thought you would agree with me.”

“I do, but…” Ritsu took a deep breath, all the while realizing exactly what he had just told his author, and telling himself to keep rolling with the conversation that had already went beyond the point of no return. “Clearly it’s not making you happy. Now that I think about it, all you’ve done is basically resort to wish fulfillment through your characters. Do you want to keep doing that?”

“Not true at all. I make sure to leave that out of my stories. That’s what I have my BL novels for,” Akihiko replied.

Ritsu sat still in his chair, completely dumbfounded that Akihiko was clearly in denial of his self-insertion, and also by the fact that Akihiko writes BL (and of himself with Takahiro), of all things.

“Well, no, I shouldn’t say that. I haven’t gotten the approval to publish anything like that, yet, even with a pen-name. Right now, it’s just a hobby,” Akihiko explained.

“I see…” Ritsu murmured, and then tried desperately to get back on track. “Regardless, my point still stands—take it or leave it. With that, I’m taking my leave for today.”

“Wait!” Akihiko said suddenly as he tugged on Ritsu’s sleeve, preventing the other man from leaving the couch. “I have another question for you.”

“What is it now?” Ritsu sighed, not expecting such needy behavior from Akihiko.

“Do you like me?”

Ritsu couldn’t hide his bewilderment, his face so red it wouldn’t be hard to imagine steam coming out of his ears.

“I-I—what!? I-in what way exactly?”

Akihiko peered his face closer, which only intimidated Ritsu further. “What way do you think?"

“N-nothing about that question sounds appropriate at all!”

As if the light bulb in Akihiko’s head turned on, he pinned Ritsu to the couch, who cried out and struggled underneath the author’s weight.

“Ah—Usami-Sensei, what are you doing?!”

“You don’t think I’m that oblivious, do you?” Akihiko purred into Ritsu’s ear.

“What?” Ritsu tried to get up from the couch, and instead was thrust down against the cushion by his wrists. “Let me go!”

“Not until you admit it,” Akihiko growled.

“W-what are you talking about?! None of this makes any sense!”

“I’ve seen the way you look at me. It’s how I look at him,” Akihiko pointed out, “Did you really think I wouldn’t notice?”

“Yeah, because you kept staring at me, too!” Ritsu yelled.

“And yet, you probably thought you were so subtle when you were helping me today, telling me to pair my character with ‘just a friend from work,’” Akihiko smirked.

“All I did was agree with your friend!” he fought back.

Akihiko pressed his forehead against Ritsu’s so that the editor could stare deep into his amethyst eyes and be hypnotized into silence. “You know, I never thought I would like the ‘tsundere’ type, but something about your rebellious behavior is very arousing.”

Ritsu felt like he could burst into angry tears at any moment. “I’m not ‘tsundere’—or whatever—you’re just a big pervert!”

“Then what about you?” Akihiko asked, “Are you holding on to someone who will never love you back? Is it that person you were talking about earlier?”

“I…” The right words couldn’t escape Ritsu’s mouth, and he seemed to snap out of Akihiko’s hypnotism. “T-that’s none of your business!?”

“Was it a first love, too?”

Ritsu felt ready to scream, but instead resigned, letting his arms fall flat against the couch. “Why are you doing this to me?”

“Because I care about you.”

Then came the hot, angry tears rolling down his cheeks, just as Ritsu had anticipated.

“I know he’ll never love me—I get it already!”

“Then stop letting him hold you back. You said it yourself; this isn’t making you happy,” Akihiko said as he wiped away Ritsu’s tears with his thumb, “Go find happiness.”

Before Ritsu could answer, he had been swallowed up by Akihiko’s warm, deep kiss.

It was…a gentler gesture than Ritsu had expected. In fact, it was almost tender the way his hands moved from the hold on his wrists to one hand clinging to his sweater like a child, and the other caressing Ritsu’s face.

Something about this moment brought Ritsu back many years to those few intimate and blissful moments he spent with Senpai—even with Akihiko escalating everything quickly by hungrily sticking his tongue inside Ritsu’s mouth and sneaking a free hand down Ritsu’s abdomen.

“Stop!” Ritsu gasped, suddenly finding all of this strength to fend off Akihiko.

“What’s wrong?” Akihiko asked, staring back at Ritsu in awe.

“I just…we can’t…” The realization of the situation fell upon Ritsu. “I’m your editor! We-we work together, we can’t”—

“Nobody has to know,” said Akihiko, reaching to touch Ritsu’s face again. “I can guarantee you I’ll be able to keep this under wraps”—

Ritsu smacked Akihiko’s hand away. “No! I…” He took a deep breath. “Listen, I’m not even sure if this is what I want yet, I’m sorry.”

Akihiko sighed. “Alright. If you wanna play the waiting game, so can I.”

“Waiting game…?” Ritsu furrowed his eyebrows. “Don’t be so smug.”

“I did manage to kiss you,” Akihiko reminded Ritsu, who angrily blushed again, “I waited all those months ago for that. I’m a very patient man, in case you couldn’t tell.”

_‘So he_ was _trying to kiss me that one time!”_ Ritsu gasped internally, then said as he finally picked up his bags again, “Yeah, well, you’re patient when you want to be. You’re not fooling anyone, Sensei.”

Akihiko smirked at Ritsu as the editor was hurriedly ready to close the door behind him. “Neither are you, Onodera-san.”

Once Ritsu shut the door, he gradually transitioned into what he would call, “a period of blissful denial.”

So what if they work together?

So what if Usami-Sensei has someone else he’s in love with?

So what if he had someone else he still clearly wasn’t over?

So what if there was no confirmed or denied relationship despite a hot and completely unexpected make-out session?

So what if Ritsu was likely out of his mind and had no idea what was even happening anymore?

It wasn’t until Ritsu had arrived home, fell onto his bed and screamed into his pillow as he felt his whole world of uncertainty collapse onto him at once.

If anything, Ritsu knew that a sense of peace would be pretty much impossible to get.

** A/N: ** **I’m so surprised by how many people were receptive of this when I posted the first chapter. Thank you all so much!**

**If I could just ask just a small, selfish favor, please check out my other fic _Junjou Restart_. That one is basically my child and could use some love, too!**


	3. A Straight Answer is Hard to Get

****

_Hard to Get_

Chapter 3

A Straight Answer is Hard to Get

            There was a whole new reason for Ritsu to dread his visits with Akihiko.

            Their visits would start off normal. The usual banter happened, Ritsu would find some way of getting Akihiko to quit avoiding their session, and then they’d discuss ways to further progress the story. That was everything Ritsu had previously dreaded, but was already used to.

            But now there was the occasional slide of Akihiko’s hand against unexpected places, be it behind Ritsu’s neck, at his side, or on his back, where slowly, but surely, he made sure his fingers were so light as they travelled downward his spine to his—

            “Eee!”

            In an almost cat-like manner, the manuscript slipped out of Ritsu’s hands, and he had launched off the couch and onto his feet.

            “Sensei, please!” he shouted, unable to hide how completely flustered he was.

            The author retained his best poker face. “My hand slipped.”

            Ritsu’s face turned unimaginable shades of red. “Then by all means, so help me, I will gladly glue your hands together!”

            “Alright, alright,” Akihiko answered, then muttered, “So touchy today.”

            “I wouldn’t be touchy if you weren’t so touchy-feely. I told you not to distract me,” Ritsu reprimanded him. He picked up the manuscript off the floor. “Anyway, we need to get back to work.”

            At this point, they were already working on a new title together: _All of Japan’s Inverted Pandas in Pictures_. Ritsu had already begged Akihiko to change the title, but naturally, he couldn’t get him to budge.

            Akihiko groaned, leaning back against the couch. “I’m tired.”

            “It’s still the early afternoon, Sensei. If you’re that tired, make yourself a cup of coffee,” Ritsu suggested, then gave Akihiko his best irritated stare, “Or are you saying that because you haven’t been sleeping like a normal human being again?”

            Again, Akihiko showed no signs of his composure breaking. “What is normal for a human isn’t normal for me.”

            Ritsu was ready to roll up the manuscript and smack Akihiko in the face with it. Repeatedly.

            Of course, Ritsu should’ve known that the progress they made after he yelled at Akihiko over a year and a half ago would be short lived. That incident back when they were in the middle of their second book together where Akihiko had made a move (well, many bold moves) on Ritsu had almost immediately set everything back.

            If Ritsu’s Father didn’t own the company, abandoning this editor position would’ve been a more serious option to pursue.

            Even so, it wasn’t all that bad.

            Akihiko slowly put his arms around the pouting editor and pulled him close. Ritsu could smell the faint ash in his breath. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to worry you.” He kissed the top of Ritsu’s head.

            The hug alone was enough to make Ritsu’s heart beat loudly, and the kiss on his scalp almost amplified it. Regardless, he decided to not cave in. “Then don’t do things that’ll make me worry. I’ve been working hard to make you sleep and eat at normal hours, you know.”

            “I honestly have been,” said Akihiko, “It’s just…”

            Ritsu looked up at Akihiko. “Just what?”

            After a few seconds of silence, Akihiko let go of Ritsu and resumed his position on the couch. “Let’s go over the chapter lineup again.”

            There was no doubt in Ritsu’s mind that Akihiko was worried about something if he was more willing to do work than talk.

            _‘It’s not like he has to talk to me. We’re not in a relationship.’_ Yet over the past 6 months, they were touching, kissing, and, in a couple of instances, they were almost ready to complete break the next boundary: sex.

            _‘No—he’s made those moves on_ me _. He’s the one who likes me.’_ But Ritsu was going so far as to encourage a healthier lifestyle from Akihiko, be it eating and sleeping properly, and in general, getting out of the house. (He refused to call them dates, but what else do you call it when someone is trying to hold your hand, and is willing to dote on you and take you to these romantic places you never even heard of? An outing?)

            _“Because I care about you.”_

            Ritsu could still hear those words echo in his mind, unable to take his eyes off of Akihiko as he explained some of his new plot, yet utterly zoned out.

            _“If you care about me, why won’t you let me care about you?”_ he asked internally. _“Just what are we exactly?”_

Who knew that a straight answer would be so hard to get?

. . .

. . .

            It had happened some weeks later when Ritsu went to get coffee from the vending machine that day when he heard those voices from afar.

            “This month’s top seller was Onodera’s author again.”

            Ritsu’s ears perked at the sound of his name being mentioned. While he did not look beyond the corridor, he already knew it was not the voice of the man who had been in his Father’s office making similar complaints some time ago.

            “What? Again?” a feminine voice questioned.

            “Seriously, it must be so easy once you get in through a connection,” the man said.

            _“Regardless of how you feel, I am the Chairman. I have a plan in place that does not involve you.”_

That was what his Father had told that other co-worker of his, but his Father wasn’t here at this moment to scold them.

Surely, his connection was why Ritsu was hired in the first place, that much was obvious, but Ritsu knew his Father best. His Father wouldn’t take such a risk with his company if he didn’t believe in his son progressing, and it showed when he was offered to take on star authors like Sumi-Sensei and Usami-Sensei.

            “I hear that. Unlike us, he got that star author even though he just joined. It’s so unfair. We work our asses off but still only get the low ranking authors. And the sales…that’s just because of the authors and sales team,” another womanly voice interjected.

            _‘And I_ haven’t _worked my ass off?’_ Ritsu thought angrily, thinking back to his sleepless nights and being pushed closer and closer to the edge of an emotional breakdown every time Akihiko had done something to push his buttons so far in that it was practically making physical holes into his body.

            “It doesn’t make sense that he gets rated so highly if he can’t do anything but hand in the manuscript.”

            “Seriously.”

            Ritsu couldn’t listen to anymore of the conversation at that point. Despite the harsh words of his co-workers spearing into his heart, Ritsu somehow found the energy to rush into the nearest restroom and take deep breaths as he tried to calmly sip from the cup in his hands.

            _‘Screw you!’_ was his first thought as he crushed the paper cup in a fist, ‘ _Then there’s no problem if I quit this company right now and make books that sell millions at another company!’_

            Ritsu exhaled deeply, trying to shift gears to a more realistic perspective. _‘No, I can’t just leave right now. That’s not right. I still have more work to do. I’d leave so much unfinished—especially Usami-Sensei’s work.’_ He felt the frustrated tears fall. _‘…Usami-Sensei…’_

            That was just it. He knew he couldn’t leave, but yet… 

            _“Anyway, don’t let that kind of talk get to you,”_ his Father had said, “ _I certainly didn’t when I first started working here.”_

            Ritsu wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. _‘I’m trying, Father, but it’s really hard not to think about it.’_

. . .

            About halfway into production of Akihiko’s newest novel, Ritsu was shocked to see Hiroki and Akihiko having a civil conversation upon arriving to the apartment.

            “Anyway, this line sounds a little awkward. I suggest you look it over,” Hiroki said, handing the manuscript and pointing to a section on the page for Akihiko to read. “See?”

            Akihiko nodded. “Yes. I didn’t even notice.”

            Ritsu stood there quietly, trying not to think any negative thoughts as Hiroki and Akihiko seemed oddly a little _too_ close to each other on the couch as he struggled to catch Akihiko’s attention.  

            “Umm…”

            Both Hiroki and Akihiko looked at the editor standing nervously in the doorway.

            Ritsu cleared his throat. “…I assume you’re ready for our session today?” he asked.

            “You’re early,” Akihiko grunted, flipping through the pages of his manuscript.

            “Actually, Sensei, I’m right on time,” Ritsu answered without hiding his annoyance.

            “Oh, that’s your editor, right?” Hiroki stood up. “I’ll take my leave, then. Besides, Nowaki is waiting for me.”

            “So everything was taken care of with him after all?” Akihiko asked.

            Hiroki turned scarlet. “O-obviously! It turned out he was just studying in America…”

            Somehow, Ritsu felt relieved, as Hiroki was clearly with someone else. _‘Wait, what_ is _there to even feel relieved about?’_

            “No, not yet. I still want to hear more of your feedback,” said Akihiko.

            “Idiot, that’s what your editor is here for. I don’t even get paid for what he does.”

            “You said you would,” Akihiko insisted.

            Hiroki grumbled something inaudible under his breath. “No, I came over because you wanted to talk me about”—

            Out of the corner of his eye, Hiroki saw Ritsu, who seemed utterly confused, and then glanced at Akihiko, who was glaring daggers into Hiroki. He sighed. “Nevermind. I’ll stay a little longer.”

He got up and walked into Akihiko’s office. “If you’re both going to talk, I’ll read over here in peace.” With that, he slammed the door shut.

            Ritsu and Akihiko stared at the closed door and then back at one another.

            “…What’s he talking about?” asked Ritsu.

            Akihiko ignored Ritsu, searching blindly for his cigarettes until he pulled one out and lit it after a moment.

            “Hey, I’m talking to you,” Ritsu snapped, “Clearly something has been bothering you for a good while now, and you won’t tell me.”

            Akihiko exhaled a puff of smoke. “Takahiro and I got into an argument a short time ago. I can’t tell if he’s refusing to speak to me, or if he’s just too busy running around and taking care of that little brother of his.”

            _‘Of course it had to be about Takahiro,’_ Ritsu instantly thought, then asked, “…What kind of argument exactly?”

            “Well, I don’t think I’ve told you this, but Takahiro lost his parents right before he was supposed to go to Teito University. Instead, he stayed behind to take care of his brother,” Akihiko said.

            Ritsu’s eyes widened. He had to turn down _the_ Teito University and face such a tragedy? Now Ritsu felt guilty about anything he had ever thought about Takahiro previously.

            “Anyway, I tried offering him money, as he’s been falling on tougher times with managing money as of late, but instead, he got miffed at me for doing so,” Akihiko explained.

            Ritsu furrowed his eyebrows. Somehow, this seemed suspicious that the a member of the insanely rich Usami family was offering what sounded to Akihiko like a reasonable amount of money. “…How _much_ money exactly?”

            “100,000,000 yen.”

            Ritsu nearly fell back from shock. Even he was sure that his family hadn’t garnered together that kind of money.

            “O-of course that would make him upset! That’s way too much money!” Ritsu shouted.

            The author paused for a brief moment. “Maybe you’re right,” Akihiko said thoughtfully, finger pressed to his chin, “I shouldn’t have been so forward and offered 10,000,000 yen.”

            Ritsu smacked his forehead. “That’s not exactly better, either!” He put his hands on his hips. “Sensei, Takahiro probably wants to prove that he can do it himself without help. Besides, he’d probably feel like a burden to you for taking so much money. I know I would if I were in his position.”

            Admittedly, Ritsu did wish he was somewhat in Takahiro’s position, but not for the right reasons.  

            Akihiko resumed his thoughtful stance. “…You’re right. I hadn’t thought about my generosity being taken as offense that way. I don’t want him to feel like he owes me anything.” He took out his phone from his pocket. “I should call him up right now.”

            “You can do it after the meeting that we’ve been neglecting to have,” Ritsu reminded Akihiko, grabbing his phone. As the screen had automatically lit up in Ritsu’s hand, he noticed that there was only 2% of his battery left.

            “Usami-Sensei, you need to charge this,” Ritsu said with concern.

            As Ritsu handed back the phone, he noticed for the first time the heavy bags underneath Akihiko’s dazed purple eyes.  

            “…Usami-Sensei, when was the last time you slept?”

            Hiroki had suddenly opened the office door and entered the livingroom. “Akihiko, you’re not getting any sleep, are you? This manuscript is full of grammatical errors!”

            “Oh, is that so?” Akihiko was starting to wobble. “I’ll fix it later…”

            On cue, he collapsed into Ritsu’s arms, who was struggling underneath the author’s weight. “Usami-Sensei!?”

            Hiroki helped Ritsu hold up Akihiko. “I’ll help you drag him to the bedroom. Unfortunately, it’s not the first time he’s done something like this when he gets stressed.”

. . .

Ritsu and Hiroki exited the apartment together immediately after Akihiko had settled into his room.

            Similar to the last time they had met, Ritsu had felt a strange tension settle in the air, almost choking him as he struggled with finding something to say.

            “…So, I guess you’ve known Akihiko a long time, haven’t you?” Ritsu.

            “Too long, actually,” Hiroki sighed, taking a moment to rub the lens of his glasses with the rim of his shirt.

            “I’ll bet,” Ritsu said with a nervous laugh. “I’m sure he drives you crazy, too.”

            Hiroki suddenly stopped walking, causing Ritsu to stop as well and face towards the other man. “…Is something wrong?”

            Both men stared in an attempt to read each other’s faces.

“You know, I can see it on your face. I’ve noticed it since the beginning, actually,” Hiroki admitted to Ritsu.

            “What do you mean?” asked Ritsu.

            “You have feelings for Akihiko,” Hiroki stated with confidence.

            Ritsu looked up at Hiroki in shock. It made sense that Hiroki would know of their affair, of all people, especially given the context of the previous conversation, but to hear it out loud was still strange.

            Hiroki sighed, shifting his glasses. “Let me give you some advice: Akihiko isn’t good at it, but he likes to take care of people. Shocking, yes, but it’s the truth.”

      _“Because I care about you.”_

Remembering those words sent a shiver down Ritsu’s spine. Akihiko had seemed so kind, so genuine as their eyes had met that day, with Akihiko holding onto Ritsu as he was about to cry. “I know he cares about me,” Ritsu confirmed.

      “Then I think you understand that Akihiko tends to neglect his own needs,” Hiroki added.

      Everything suddenly came full circle in that moment. His lack of self care, his closed off nature, his unrequited love—everything made sense.

            “I didn’t come here to burst your bubble, or start trouble. I’m just saying this as someone who…knows Akihiko, and knows what it’s like to get hurt when he does this kind of thing,” Hiroki said, then promptly turned away to walk towards the other direction. “That’s all.”

            Ritsu was left at the end of the hallway, completely baffled until he could no longer see where Hiroki was walking.

. . .

            Before Ritsu knew it, Akihiko’s newest novel had already been handed over to the publishers.

            Although he was glad the whole ordeal was over with, Ritsu was already mentally preparing himself for Akihiko’s next novel that he seemed to already be imagining up. For whatever reason, Akihiko already had the inspiration for a new story that he affectionately titled _Scarecrow_. He tried to probe Akihiko as to what the significance of the title was, but was told it was a secret.

            Nonetheless, that was one reason of many why he had seemed more tired as of late than usual—so much that even his Father noticed as they exited the meeting together.

            “Ritsu, you’re really getting the full editor experience, aren’t you?” asked his Father.

            Ritsu laughed weakly. “I’ll be fine.” _‘I guess.’_

            “Yes, I know, that Usami-Sensei is a real doozy!” his Father exclaimed, patting him on the shoulder. “Anyway, congratulations on getting another publication under your belt. Gain some more years of experience, and you’ll be managing this place in no time.”

            Ritsu’s couldn’t help but tense up.

            Even though it had been his dream to someday take over Onodera Publishing, something felt so wrong about hearing those words. In order to do that, it meant actually staying behind. For a long time.

            While it meant more years with guarantee of doing what he loves, it meant being his Father’s underling—the son of Onodera Publishing’s administrator, and more years of those scathing complaints of his co-workers.

            But that would mean leaving the projects he worked so hard on behind. He’d be leaving Akihiko and somehow, Ritsu knew he didn’t have it in him to do that yet.

            Truly, Ritsu had a few thoughts about leaving Onodera Publishing, but this time, he was actually closer to making his mind.

            As if to interrupt his thoughts, Ritsu suddenly got a call.

            His Father waved goodbye. “Anyway, I’ll leave you alone, son. Oh, if you’re not doing anything for dinner, though, come and stop by my office around 6. I brought a lot of leftovers from last night if you want them.”

            “Thank you, I’ll consider it,” Ritsu said, then answered his cell phone as his Father walked away. “Hello, this is Onodera.”

            _“Good afternoon, Onodera-san.”_

            Onodera couldn’t help but blush as the husky voice reached his airs. “Sensei, I’m at work. Why are you calling me?”

            _“A bit high strung right now, aren’t you? Not even a congratulations for writing what will probably be another success?”_ asked Akihiko.

            Ritsu was sure he was about to have a headache come on. “Yes, yes, congratulations. You can’t just call me at work whenever you want, though.”

            _“You sound very impatient today for some reason, so I’ll cut to the chase: I was wondering if you could come over tonight.”_

            Ritsu blinked. Normally, Akihiko had asked Ritsu on an outing (he still refused to call it a date) when he was on a visit. To hear Akihiko say this now seemed almost out of character. “Sensei, I know you’re very eager to write this new book of yours, but I’m not scheduled to visit you for quite a bit.”

            _“I know—I’m just asking that you celebrate with me.”_

            Ritsu furrowed his brow in suspicion. “I mean, it’s not like we’ve ever done that before, and this is the third book I’ve worked on with you.”

            _“My point is, I want to tonight. So please come.”_

            Ritsu sighed. Akihiko seemed to have this ability of being blunt without really getting to the point. “…I’ll think about it. For now, I need to get back to work, though.”

            _“Alright. Please do.”_

            They both hung up.

            Ritsu took a deep breath. Deep down, he had wanted to say yes, but ever since that conversation with Hiroki some weeks ago, would it be ethical to do so?

_“Akihiko isn’t good at it, but he likes to take care of people.”_

            And Ritsu knew that was the truth. Going over to Akihiko’s house would just be enabling his behavior, no matter how enticing the idea seemed.

. . .

            In a matter of hours, Ritsu had somehow changed his mind and decided to go, thinking along the lines of, “what could a little celebration hurt?”

            Unfortunately, by the time Ritsu had received the invitation, he had already stepped out of Onodera Publishing after 7, and he had already eaten his Mother’s cooking, so he turned down the option of dinner. (Of course, he made sure to tell Akihiko that he had better eat dinner before he arrived, “or else.”)

            Upon entering the apartment, Ritsu was surprised to see the lights had been dimmed. Several candles were lit at the table (with Ritsu thankful that he managed not to set the complex on fire) with a bottle of champagne open between the candles and glasses.

            “Well?” Akihiko probed, closing the door and pouring a glass of champagne for himself and Ritsu.

            A faint blush spread across Ritsu’s face upon the realization that not only did he feel underdressed at the sight of Akihiko wearing such serious and formal attire, but _oh God_ , he looked so good in that suit and tie. All too eagerly, he took the champagne glass from Akihiko when it was offered to him.

            “Cheers,” Akihiko said, raising his glass, “To yet another project successfully completed, and to the most wonderful, and adorable, editor.”

            Ritsu felt the glass tremble in his hand as he clinked his against Akihiko’s, face even redder than before. As the bubbles of the champagne hit his lips, he suddenly opened his mouth and downed the glass as if taking a shot and then gasped for air.

            Akihiko gave Ritsu a look of concern. “You know, you’re supposed to sip that slowly…”

            “I know that!” Ritsu shouted suddenly, still catching his breath and holding out his glass to have more champagne poured for him. His face was already red.

            “I didn’t think that you were the type to be terrible at drinking,” Akihiko snickered, and then removed the bottle of champagne at the table. “I wouldn’t want you hurting yourself now, so maybe I should put this away.”

            Ritsu rolled his eyes. “Don’t treat me like a little kid. We’re the same age, you know.”

            Akihiko was still giggling to himself, causing Ritsu to lower his eyes. “Why are you laughing?”

            “I’m just thinking about when we first met,” Akihiko answered, moving slowly towards Ritsu before gently touching his face. “You seemed so shy, and you were overly polite and professional. Of course you were always cute, but you seemed so reserved and not ready to break out of your shell.”

            He wasn’t resisting Akihiko’s touch, but he also refused to look at Akihiko. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

            “I’m saying that you’ve really surprised me, is all. I feel like I’m getting to really know more of the real you.”

            _“But yet I know nothing about you,”_ he thought bitterly without saying it, removing himself from Akihiko’s caress and turning away towards the wall.

            “Onodera-san?” Akihiko asked.

            “Sensei, on that day, you said that you care about me. What did you mean by that?” Ritsu questioned.

            “Well, in that moment, you just looked so vulnerable. I couldn’t help myself,” Akihiko answered, “It’s like seeing a lost kitten and taking him in.”

            _‘…A lost kitten?’_

            A kitten by the name of Sorata came to mind. It was the one Senpai found in a box and had tended to that rainy day while he had watched from afar during his stalking days. Such a memory seemed so bittersweet now, just like all the ones of Saga-Senpai did.

            _“I’m in love with you.”_

            All it did was remind Ritsu how embarrassingly pathetic he must have seemed, stalking Senpai all that time and not even knowing who he truly was—even while they were dating. Anyone in that situation would’ve felt sympathy, or pity, for such a stalker who couldn’t be anything but timid with an unwarranted confession. Of course Senpai wouldn’t truly love such a person—he was too good for that. Ritsu knew this was the truth, seeing red as the fading image of Saga-Senpai’s mocking smile seemed to play over and over in his head.

            “So that’s all I am to you? Just some play thing you could care for because you feel pity?”

            Akihiko was taken aback. “What are you talking about? That’s not what I’m saying at all.”

            “Then what are you saying?” Ritsu asked, tone gradually becoming louder. He smiled bitterly. “This is how you get your kicks, isn’t it? You keep your distance as you play this weird role of a caretaker—just like you’re doing with Takahiro!”

            The sound of Akihiko’s hand slamming against the wall was more than enough to completely shock Ritsu, as he hadn’t even noticed Akihiko’s shadow overcastting him.

            “Listen, I don’t know what that guy did to you, but you need to stop jumping to conclusions. It’s really pissing me off,” Akihiko growled.

            “Okay, then prove to me I’m wrong,” Ritsu challenged him.

            Unfortunately for Ritsu, that would be a poor choice of words, he realized, as Akihiko had forcefully grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him into his bedroom.

Ritsu felt his body hit against the mattress within a matter of seconds. Before he could react, Akihiko had already shut the door behind him and almost made a lunge for the editor.

            “Don’t!” Ritsu hissed, extending his legs as he pushed himself against the pillows—ready to fend off Akihiko with his feet.

            Akihiko tried to move around Ritsu’s legs, only to be met with light kicks.

“Don’t come any closer!”  

“Just let me talk to you,” Akihiko said, wincing with each kick as he tried to move onto the bed.

Ritsu resorted to throwing several pillows at Akihiko’s head. “I said no!”

As the pillows dropped back against the mattress, Akihiko was ready to yell, only to have it caught in his throat. Ritsu was already crying.

“Onodera…”

“I told you to stop!” Ritsu said, hiccupping all the while through his tears, “S-stop thinking that you have to keep taking care of m-me.”

“What if I want to?” Akihiko asked, his tone more gentle as he sat on the end of the mattress while facing Ritsu. “Have you ever thought that maybe, just _maybe_ , I care about you so much that I want to take care of you?”

“I-I…” Ritsu punched the mattress. “No! N-none of this makes sense! We’re not even together—you’re not my lover!”

Akihiko inched closer again. “No, but I could be.”

Ritsu heaved in frustration, and took a moment to calm himself as he pushed Akihiko away. “Look, let’s just think about this carefully, okay. We may… _like_ each other, right?”

“Yes,” Akihiko agreed, his arm already extended to Ritsu’s side.

“But!” Ritsu shouted, then lowered his voice as he made sure Akihiko was focused on what he was saying before letting his hands roam, “But, that doesn’t mean that this is a good idea. We act like a couple, but we don’t talk about it. There’s been no agreement as to what we are. Not to mention we both work together, and there might be trouble if we get found out. On top of all that, we’re in love with two completely different people. Don’t you realize there’s something really wrong with all of this?”

Akihiko was frozen, knees still digging into the mattress and expression blank as if he had completely processed what Ritsu was saying. “…It’s all because of that guy you’re still in love with, isn’t it,” he finally said sadly.

“Wh-please don’t pin this on me!” Ritsu yelled, face heating, “You’re in the same boat as me!”

Akihiko dug his fingers into his hair in frustration. “So what you’re saying is that because we both love different people, we can’t at least try?”

They stared at each other in complete silence.

He took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts. “Look, I understand. We both have our own matters to deal with, and if we agree our relationship is official, all of that might interfere.” Akihiko let out another long, dragging exhale. “I really do like you, Ritsu. You’re smart, you’re caring, you’re ambitious, you know how to put your foot down, and of course, you’re absolutely adorable—there’s your answer on why I care about you, and truly, I see potential in us having something real. However, if you really don’t want this continue, I won’t force you.”

            Ritsu swallowed nervously, unsure of how to process this sudden confession. He knew that whatever answer he gave, it was going to be final. This affair would either end right here, or it would continue.

            Akihiko was a spoiled brat in every way, and he didn’t know how to take care of himself, but there were moments like these where he could be so genuine and kind, and feel so warm without even embracing Ritsu.

            Yet, it wasn’t a question of whether or not he loved Senpai more than Akihiko. In the end, Ritsu knew he would be waiting for the day they wouldn’t be together anymore—like the one where he had broken up with Saga-Senpai—and that pain would be too much to bear.

            Truly, if it wasn’t Akihiko that was going to leave, there was a very large possibility Ritsu was going to do it first—if he finally built up the courage to put in his resignation papers.

            Ritsu looked away. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”

“Very well. I understand.” Akihiko slowly got up from the bed, undoing his tie all the while. “However, I suggest that we have sex at least once.”

Ritsu stared blankly, his entire consciousness ready to separate from his body in disbelief as Akihiko had suddenly removed his shirt. “…I…what…”

“If we’re just going to stay as professional partners, all this sexual tension lingering in the air will interfere with our work, so we should get this over with.” Akihiko had already slipped off his pants, and undid his belt. “That’s what got us here in the first place.”

** A/N: ** **Yes there will be smut in the next chapter. Yes I’m aware I’ve left you all hanging. See you all soon!**


	4. A Goodbye is Hard to Get

_Hard to Get_

Chapter 4

A Goodbye is Hard to Get

It was taking Ritsu a lot longer to process the last couple of sentences Akihiko uttered from his mouth, but it took only a few seconds for Ritsu to find a certain Akihiko wearing only boxer shorts arching over him as he attempted to unbutton Ritsu’s shirt.

_“However, I suggest that we have sex at least one.”_

            His first instinct was to smack Akihiko’s hand away once he fully realized the buttons came undone. “Wait, stop! This is crazy!”

            Akihiko didn’t budge. “How?”

            Ritsu mentally smacked his forehead. Of course Akihiko wouldn’t understand how unnecessarily deeper they were being dragged down the rabbit hole together. “We work together. What is having sex going to fix?” He paused for a moment, remembering the conversation they had just before Akihiko pounced onto him. “…Also, I basically just rejected you.”

            “Yes, I’m more than well aware,” Akihiko sighed, failing to mask his irritability, “But I’m serious. Do you want sexual tension lingering over our heads until this next book is done? We already acknowledged that we’re attracted to each other. We’re not going to be together, but there’s no reason to continue ignoring this problem like we have for two years.”

His expression softened as he craned his head down towards Ritsu’s. “I’m not going to force you, but I will ask one more time that you give me just one night of passion. We’ll sleep together; get this out of our systems, and then move on. I won’t speak of it again, and you don’t have to, either.” He took a moment of silence to add anything else thoughtful. “I’ll also seriously work to meet my deadlines.”

The thought of Akihiko not giving Ritsu a hard time for the rest of their publication cycle was already a tempting enough offer. Even then, as much as Ritsu didn’t want to admit it, sleeping with Akihiko had been on his mind more often than it should have. If it weren’t for his self control, Akihiko would’ve likely had his way during the very first time they kissed. Not to mention, seeing Akihiko’s bare chest was taking up most of Ritsu’s attention, as it was even nicer than he imagined—

 _‘No, Ritsu! Focus!’_ He shook his head as if it were an attempt to shake away any of his wild thoughts. Then again, what if this was a good idea? They could get this over with now and move on from the unresolved tension, or spend the rest of their meetings sitting in awkward silence and barely muttering words unless it was necessary—like seeing someone you had a one night stand with in university. Somehow, that image was disturbing. But even then, that was nowhere near a good enough reason to have sex.

Akihiko was still waiting, deep purple eyes dead set on him as he licked his lips in anticipation behind dangling wisps of his messy silver hair. Somehow, his predatory gaze was turning on Ritsu even more.

_‘Oh, who are you kidding, Ritsu? You just really want him inside you.’_

Ritsu was surprised at his own internal realization, and swallowed nervously. “…Okay, you win.”

Akihiko wasted no time as Ritsu lied submissively beneath him, removing Ritsu’s shirt and pants with almost no effort before kissing Ritsu with such ferocity that the other man couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed.

Strangely enough, even though Ritsu could feel some part of his brain willing to continue putting up barriers and put an end to this before it was too, too late. His restraint was growing thinner as Akihiko’s tongue roamed inside of Ritsu’s mouth and separated from Ritsu every so often with a light nip of the other man’s lips.

 _‘This is bad,’_ Ritsu thought to himself as he grew painfully erect from the kissing alone, _‘I actually want this. No—I always have.’_

He gasped at the sensation of Akihiko’s mouth gliding down Ritsu’s neck, then down his chest until deciding to gently suck on Ritsu’s nipple in such a way that it seemed to electrify him.

How did it already seem as if Akihiko knew his most sensitive spots when they never went this far?

Akihiko took a moment to lift himself from Ritsu’s body to snake his tongue along Ritsu’s earlobe, and his breath sent shivers down Ritsu’s spine. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to suck your dick now.”

Ritsu’s eyes shot wide open. “You’re what”—

Before Ritsu could even finish his sentence, he felt a wet pressure swallow him, and shuddered at the sensation constricting his penis as he felt the need to grind his hips the more Akihiko bobbed his head.

Ritsu knew that if this went on any longer, feeling the way Akihiko’s tongue trailed along his veins with each movement of his head that he would definitely explode. “Sensei…please…I.”

Akihiko removed himself from Ritsu with a loud slurp, but continued to gently tug on Ritsu’s penis with his hand. “Please what?”

Ritsu must’ve been so completely out of his mind that he didn’t care at this point that Akihiko was actually pushing him so far to his limits as to make him admit what he wanted. “Fuck me.”

Thankfully, Akhiko seemed to be in such a rush that he didn’t give himself enough time to wipe the drops of saliva from his lips as he dragged open a nearby draw and slathered his hand in lube.

Ritsu tensed up. Now that he thought about it, even though he had done a bit of experimenting during his college years, it had been a while since he had a sexual encounter. He began to breathe erratically the closer Akihiko drew to him.

Finally, the taller man seemed to slow down when he noticed Ritsu’s hitched breathing. “Onodera-san, you know I wouldn’t hurt you, right?”

Ritsu’s shoulders dropped. “…I know that. Just please be gentle.”

“Alright,” Akihiko promised, motioning Ritsu to stay on his back and spread apart his legs. He inserted a finger, curving it upwards as Ritsu grunted. “Does it hurt?”

Ritsu shook his head. “F-feels weird, but good.”

Akihiko waited for Ritsu’s short grunts to relax and elongate into a low moan, using that as a sign to push in the next finger. He made sure to rub the same spot that was still caused Ritsu to continuously cry out, taking his time before finally removing his fingers. He rushed to clean off his hand and then reemerged with his fully lubricated genitals.

He took a moment to angle himself so that he could find the best position, keeping in mind the fragility of Ritsu’s hips. Before finally taking the plunge, he gave Ritsu a slow, long, yet passionate kiss, separating with a thin trail of saliva. “I’m putting it in.”

Ritsu nodded, exhaling deeply in an attempt to brace himself. At this point he was fully in a daze, no longer thinking in the back of his mind how fucked up this entire encounter was, and really has been.

It took less than a minute for Akihiko to fit inside Ritsu, who cried out at the sudden hot rush of pain overtake him. Yes, now Ritsu remembered why he got so nervous about this in the first place.

“Are you alright?” Akihiko asked.

The pain suddenly subsided, and Ritsu seemed ready to grin and bear what was to come. “Y-yeah, but go slow.”

Akihiko studied what he could of Ritsu’s face in the darkness of his bedroom, and then proceeded to move inside Ritsu. It took the next few consecutive thrusts for Ritsu’s face to gradually unscrunch, and contort into a much more pleasurable facial expression as his mouth and open mouth relaxed.

“How’s this?” Akihiko asked, pausing in between words.

“So good,” Ritsu said in a loud whisper, throwing his head back against the pillow in ecstasy as Akihiko kept moving.

 _‘Why didn’t we do this sooner?’_ Ritsu couldn’t help but think, not even aware of how loud he was moaning every time a new wave of pleasure hit him. He didn’t even notice Akihiko press his lips to his; kissing back lazily as he could feel Akihiko thrust even deeper.

His eyes were shut, but even in the dark room, he wouldn’t be able to see what kind of expression Akihiko had on his face. He briefly wondered if it was the same erotic face Senpai had worn when they had messed around that brief time they were together—and he could vividly remember in that moment the way he had clouded Ritsu’s vision with what he thought was a mutual, loving connection.

And even though Saga Senpai didn’t love him, he somehow felt the loving connection here, too. Ritsu already drew a boundary before they went all the way, but there was something about how they kissed, and how he could be so cautious and focused on making Ritsu feel good in such a way that it almost broke his heart.

Was it so wrong of him to want Akihiko even now? Was it so wrong of him to still want Senpai?

Akihiko’s panting grew louder with every few pushes in, drops of sweat rolling down the sides of his face as he seemed to melt into Ritsu. Even though he already felt slightly weak in the legs; Akihiko knew that he wanted to stay forever if he could.

But he couldn’t.

And the moment Akihiko remembered that he couldn’t have Ritsu, just like he couldn’t have Takahiro, he suddenly had the urge to hold Ritsu’s hand, and for once, he can feel Ritsu’s name get caught in his throat instead of Takahiro’s—which scared him to the core. Takahiro had been his one and only for so long, but somehow this scrawny pretty boy editor had managed to capture his heart, too.

“Sen…” Ritsu moaned, grabbing fistfuls of bed sheets.

Akihiko’s eyes widen. Was that his imagination?

“…Sen…”

Was he trying to say Sensei?

The uncertainty was enough for Akihiko to pound Ritsu into overdrive, and even go so far as to jack off Ritsu again with his hand with more force.

Ritsu is beyond incoherence as his eyes roll back once he feels ready to collapse from the pressure building inside of him from how amazing each different overwhelming sensation felt.

Akihiko’s stamina was failing him again, and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could last. He unconsciously gripped tighter on Ritsu’s hips and gave out the last of any power he had left, grunting even louder than before as the warmth and wetness drove him closer to losing it.

“Oh God, I’m gonna come,” Ritsu groaned, and came shortly after with a sharp cry against Akihiko’s chest.

Akihiko managed to get in a few more deep thrusts until finally giving in, and Ritsu nearly squeaked at the strange feeling of being filled up. That was another thing he could never get used to. But really, even though he knew he wouldn’t be able to walk in the morning, Ritsu felt like it was worth it, despite guilty satisfaction. 

Akihiko had removed himself and let go of Ritsu’s privates before rolling over in bed, both men out of breath and staring at the ceiling as the feeling of their orgasms faded.

Without even so much as exchanging words, or any sort of emotion, for that matter, Ritsu promptly fallen asleep.

. . .

            _“Hey.”_

_And just like that, Ritsu found himself suddenly transported back in time to Saga’s bedroom. He had handed him a cold drink, and they stared at the television before them as they were going to watch a movie. They were still new to not just this relationship, but to each other._

_“Yes?” he had meekly asked._

_“Why do you like me so much?” asked Saga._

_Deep down, Ritsu didn’t understand how to answer that. He still didn’t. “That’s because…”_

_“You don’t even know me,” Saga pointed out._

_“Yeah, but I still know some things. For example, I know you like Takahiro.”_

_The words came out of his mouth, but somehow he felt completely off script. Takahiro? Where did that come from?_

_“You’re right.” This time, the voice that was speaking wasn’t Saga’s. “But I also still like you.”_

_Before Ritsu could meet the face of the person speaking, the dream faded to black._

The first thing Ritsu saw when he awoke was unfamiliar curtains. Where was he? He clearly wasn’t in his room.

            He was drifting in and out of sleep. This bed was too comfortable, but somehow he felt his weight gravitating towards something, or someone. Slowly, Ritsu turned over and shot up at the sight of a sleeping Akihiko.

            As his rapid heartbeat seemed to calm down and sink into his stomach, Ritsu took a moment to process all the events from the night before.  Had they…?

            He sprang up from the bed and checked his phone for the time: 7:03. Thankfully, his parents didn’t seem concerned over his whereabouts.

            He sighed. At least there were no questions, so he could just get dressed, head home, shower, and forget all about this mess—

            “What are you doing?”

            Ritsu nearly jumped, turning to see that Akihiko was sitting up straight in bed.

            “I’m…” Somehow, coming up with an answer was way harder than he thought. “…I’m leaving Onodera Publishing.” And just like that, the totally wrong answer and one thing Ritsu was not ready to admit even to himself had suddenly spilled out of his mouth.

            Akihiko seemed equally as surprised. “Because we slept together?”

            “No!” Ritsu shouted, and then lowered his voice, as he tried to not reflect on that fact, and more on wherever the hell his train of thought was going. “…It’s actually something I’ve been thinking about for a while now.”

            “Have I finally frustrated you that much? I did say I would work to meet my deadlines.” Akihiko asked solemnly.

            Ritsu shook his head, and took a deep breath as he dug himself into a deeper hole. “It doesn’t have anything to do with you. Well, that’s partially true.” Seeing Akihiko’s face sag slowly into a frown was enough for Ritsu to realize that he hadn’t explained himself properly. “So the thing is, I got a lot of star authors like you because my Father owns the company, and it feels like it’s not on my own merit. Then I decided, why not try to see if I could show everyone I am a good editor and that I’m not riding my Father’s cottails?”

            “But you are a good editor,” Akihiko pointed out, “You’ve been very helpful to me, and I’m sure the others you work with feel the same.”

            “I know, but,” Ritsu sighed, “I just feel like I need to prove myself if I’m actually going to lead Onodera Publishing one day, you know?”

            Akihiko had run out of replies and went silent, watching Ritsu slowly dress before he left the room to search for his bag.

            Meanwhile, Ritsu was mentally beating himself up for saying the worst possible thing at the wrong time. He hadn’t even fully decided he was going to leave until that very moment, and suddenly blurted it out.

            After another few minutes of unbearable silence, Ritsu reemerged to Akihiko’s room. “Look, I kind of said all that out of nowhere. I know you’re mad at me, but this is something I’m doing for myself. I’m sorry.”

“Onodera-san,” Akihiko said, ignoring what Ritsu said, “Did you enjoy last night?”

Ritsu blushed, taking his time to formulate a proper reply. It’s not like he didn’t enjoy himself, but something about this entire affair was leaving an awful taste in his mouth, and he was sure Akihiko could taste it, too. “…Yeah, I did.”

Akihiko breaks eye contact. “Good. I’m glad.”

Ritsu slung the bag over his shoulder and slipped on his shoes. He tentatively looked back at Akihiko sulking in his bed, almost expecting him to reach out to him at the last second. Yet, Akihiko didn’t even bother to say goodbye as Ritsu had left the apartment.

            If Ritsu’s heart hadn’t broken completely by now, it was certainly ready to break at any moment. Somehow, things were way worse than they were before. Ritsu didn’t even want a shower at this point. He just wanted to sleep forever.

. . .

            Ritsu thought for sure that his Mother would drop the wineglass in her hand as he shared his news. Thankfully, the second time he confessed his plans wasn’t as painful as the first.

            “You’re leaving your job!?” she nearly shrieked.

            Ritsu found himself burrowing into the back of his chair.

            They were eating dinner, and for once, Ritsu’s Father was present. He had also stopped eating, clearly watching the drama unfold as it looked like Ritsu’s Mother was about to have a heart attack.

            “But…but you’re supposed to take over the company! You were doing so well!”

            Ritsu put his hands up in defense. “I-I’m going to see if I’m able to move up in another company. I figure it’s about time I gain my own merit. Maybe at places like Marukawa, I can”—

            “And to do it you’re giving up the best opportunity life could’ve handed to you!” Ritsu’s mother groaned and turned to face her husband. “Dear, why aren’t you saying anything?”

            His father was still taking his time to formulate a proper response, taking another few, slow bites of rice until he finally made eye contact with his wife and Ritsu from his end of the table. “Because, Ritsu has clearly made up his own mind. He’s an adult now—he has been.” He dabbed at his lips with the napkin. “Besides, it’s not like our son is throwing his life away, or is becoming some kind of otaku. If he wants that kind of independence, why not allow it?” He flashed his son a smile. “After all, he is always welcome back at Onodera Publishing—and it would help if he returned with more wisdom. I’m sure any of the big publishing companies in our vicinity could accomplish that.”

            Ritsu half bowed, while his Mother remained white-faced in the background. “Thank you, Father. I’m glad you understand.”

            “Of course, I hope you don’t expect to leave right away. There’s still some unfinished loose ends you need to fulfill before you quit, and I imagine you need time to find work elsewhere.”

            Ritsu nodded.  “I definitely need some months time to sort out everything—especially for when I find my new apartment.”

            His Mother made a choking sound of disbelief, while muttering words about how her son is leaving the house without marrying An, nearly ready to faint at the dinner table as his father calmly resumed eating. Ritsu was left to process both of their reactions and the fact that things were somehow going all according to plan.

. . .

            As expected, Ritsu’s nightmare scenario became a reality in the time passing. It was awkward being around the man Ritsu worked and slept with for the first few sessions. They barely uttered more than a few sentences to each other at a time, only asking to pass back and forth the manuscript. Then Ritsu would simply circle and comment on the manuscript with red ink what he thought was wrong, and Akihiko would comply without argument.

Ritsu wondered if Akihiko was being true to his word about easy to work with because he wanted to keep to his word, or because he too, felt odd being around the editor after their encounter and was better off saying nothing at all.

As Ritsu left yet another quiet session with Akihiko, his cell phone rang. He couldn’t recognize the number, but answered regadless. “This is Onodera. How can I help you?”

            “Hello, we’re from Marukawa Publishing,” a female voice replied, “We received your application and resume recently and wanted to know if you would be interested in an interview with us.”

            Ritsu’s heart nearly stopped. This was it. Marukawa was the other company Ritsu wanted to work for. Sure, it meant moving out of his parents’ house to get closer to work, but he didn’t have to think about that right now. Perhaps he would get lucky enough to find a job at such a renowned publishing house.

            “A-absolutely!”

            The woman sighed in relief. “Thank goodness! How does next Tuesday at 10 sound?”

            “I’ll be there. Thank you,” Ritsu responded before hanging up. Somehow, his day and future seemed brighter than before without previous events putting a damper on what was to come.

. . .

            The next few months passed so fast that Ritsu could hardly keep track of the time. Between meeting with authors and various interviews and preparation for said interviews and apartment hunting, Ritsu was awfully busy.

            Needless to say, even though Ritsu had never attended a full job interview where he was not guaranteed job placement, and he was sure that he completely stumbled on every other word he said, several places did call back offering work—one of them being Marukawa. He graciously offered the job, and as if further fortune somehow found him, he ended up finding a decent apartment.

            Of course, his Mother was still bitter about the whole situation, fully expecting her son to quit this rebellious tirade of his, but nonetheless attempted to be all smiles as Ritsu prepared to move out of the house. What also probably helped to cool her anger was seeing her husband be openly supportive of their son’s assertion of independence, going so far as to congratulate him on getting a job at Marukawa.

            But before he knew it, today was the day—the day where he would have to wish Akihiko farewell. _Crow_ was finally finished, and it was time to submit it. True to his word, Ritsu completed the other projects he had with the other authors, and this happened to be the very last one before he could give his two week’s notice.

            As usual, Ritsu let himself into Akihiko’s apartment but was surprised to see Akihiko standing right behind the door.

            “Oh,” Ritsu gasped as Akihiko remained paused in front of him, hand extended as if reaching for the doorknob. “Good to see you too, Sensei.” _‘Weird. He’s never there behind the door. Normally I just open the door or bang repeatedly until he lets me in.’_

            “I recognize your footsteps by now,” he said, managing to answer Ritsu’s question without the editor even asking it.

            Again, without Ritsu managing to say a word, Akihiko left the room and came back from his office with a finished manuscript.

            Ritsu’s mouth gaped open slightly as the manuscript was practically pushed into his hands.

            “It’s all done,” Akihiko stated, “Feel free to read the new changes we talked about, if you want.”

            Ritsu scoffed. “Sensei, you know I wouldn’t rush through this. Just because I’m leaving doesn’t mean the book isn’t important.” The statement still felt strange coming out of his mouth, but somehow felt easier to say.

            He expected Akihiko to mope again, but instead, was met with a small smile that Ritsu didn’t realize he had missed after all this time—even though it could still make his heart skip a beat in a way that made him uncomfortable.

            “I know you wouldn’t. I’m just kidding,” said Akihiko.

            Of course, he didn’t sound entirely convincing, but Ritsu decided to pay no mind as he sat down and took the slowest and most careful read he had done in his entire career thus far.

Ritsu couldn’t tell if he was taking his time because he wanted this last story to be flawless, or maybe, just maybe, he wanted to milk every last second he could get before he had to leave Akihiko’s for good. The nostalgic smell of the cigarettes Akihiko smoked in the background causing a distraction certainly didn’t help, either.

Sure, Akihiko was a pain in the ass to work with—there was no doubt about it—and there were days where Ritsu regretted sitting in this living room, but he couldn’t deny that he would miss this oversized apartment complex. He couldn’t deny that a part of him would miss Sensei after everything they had been through. Even with these past months of awkward silence after rejecting Akihiko, Ritsu still couldn’t manage to completely bury his feelings.

Nonetheless, Ritsu sighed and closed the book. “Alright. It looks like we’re all set, Sensei.”

Akihiko finally looked back and crushed the bud of the cigarette into the ash tray before approaching Ritsu. “Well, I guess it can’t be helped.”

Again, Ritsu felt his heart gradually start to break as the reality of the situation truly hit him. “Sensei…”

“Look, I get it. This is something you must do, and honestly, that makes me respect you even more. I know what it’s like to want to make your own way outside of your family, and it takes a lot to do that.” Similarly to his mother, Akihiko pulled through with a painful reassuring smile. “Besides, I did tell you not to limit yourself, and I still mean it.”

Tears welled up in Ritsu’s eyes, and he managed to save face by turning away his gaze. “Th-thank you. I appreciate your words.” He suddenly bows. “Even though I complained a lot, I really did enjoy working with you. It’s been an honor, Usami-Sensei.”

Ritsu finally lifted his head to see that Akihiko also bowed. “It’s been an honor working with you too, Onodera-san.”

This time, when Ritsu exhaled, it was one with relief as the tension between them finally seemed to have finally mellowed.

“You know, I’m also considering leaving Onodera Publishing,” Akihiko decided to add.

            Ritsu looked up at Akihiko wide-eyed. “Really? How come?”

            Akihiko huffed. “They still won’t accept my _Junai Romantica_ series, so I might as well try elsewhere. Who knows; maybe a place like Marukawa would let me publish it with my pen name.”

            Ritsu tried to not think about his heart skipping a beat. Why was he sort of-kind of hoping that Akihiko would follow him? He resorted to scrunching up his face in disbelief instead. “I don’t know if you’ll have such luck there, either. I’m not sure why anyone would want to publish that smut of yours.”

            “A friend of the family is the President of Marukawa, so you never know. I’m just trying to say it’s possible you might see me again.”

            Ritsu’s heart racing at the thought of all the possibilities was almost overwhelming. “W-well, maybe by then my editor list will be so large we won’t even be around each other!”

“I mean, it’s not like you’ll end up in the manga department or something,” Akihiko joked.

            Ritsu couldn’t hold back a laugh. “I highly doubt it.”

            It suddenly occurred to Ritsu that it was growing dark outside. He did promise to be home for dinner, and there were still boxes that needed stuff to be put inside of.

            Akihiko caught Ritsu staring out the window, and ruffled the editor’s hair.

            Ritsu cried out, and fixed his hair once Akihiko lifted his hand. “Sensei, what was that for?”

            “Nothing, just felt like it.” Akihiko chuckled. “Also, you know that you no longer have to call me Sensei, right?”

            “Well…” Ritsu averted his eyes. “It’s still a formality.”

            Akihiko gestured to where his coffee pot was on the nearby kitchen counter. “Could I at least offer you some coffee?”

            Again, Ritsu was caught in a dilemma. He could delay their fated goodbye further and take the cup of coffee, but he knew that wouldn’t be good for either of them. “…Actually, I still need to pack,” he admitted.

            The author shrugged. “No problem. I won’t keep you, but I will ask for one more thing.”

            “What’s that?” asked Ritsu.

            Akihiko lifted his arms. “Just a hug, and then I’ll let you go.”

            It seemed almost contradictory, asking to be held and then released, but really, what about their (un)professional relationship wasn’t?

            Ritsu was reluctant at first, but finally wrapped his arms gently around Akihiko, who hugged back for what seemed like ages, face nuzzled into the editor’s hair. If Ritsu wasn’t careful, he knew he could completely change his mind about everything in a matter of seconds, so he finally pulled away.

            “Goodbye, Onodera-san. If our paths don’t cross again, I wish you luck,” Akihiko said once Ritsu managed to open the door.

            Ritsu smiled sadly. “Goodbye, Usami-Sensei. I wish you luck, too.”

With that, Ritsu finally shut the door, manuscript in tow, clearing away the vision of the condo that he would be seeing for the very last time.

            Somehow, it was all finally over. His interview with Marukawa would be sooner than he realized, and he could finally prove his worth as an editor once and for all. Even though his Father was reluctant, it helped that he was at least supportive in his decision making, and tomorrow he would be moving to an apartment where he’d live on his own for the first time (not counting where he lived during his studies overseas since it was with roommates). Now the affair with Akihiko had been dealt with and they could move on at last.

            Yet, even though they agreed to let go of each other, and they knew this was coming for a long time and gave each other blessings, there was still an air of…disappointment? Sadness?

            He kept replaying the hug over and over in his mind; should he have held tighter, or made the hug last longer? Should they have made eye contact?

            Ritsu shook his head. No, there was no point in looking back. Their parting was mutual, and while he could admit that there were still lingering feelings, this was for the best. Besides, he should’ve known from the beginning that a proper goodbye from the great Usami Akihiko would be hard to get.

**A/N: Just one more chapter to go! Sorry for the delay, school has been kicking my ass. I can’t tell you all how happy it makes me that this fic has garnered some attention, and that there is some eagerness for more Akihiko/Ritsu.**

**I’ll probably say more on this in the final chapter/epilogue, but I have thought about making this more into an AU where Ritsu and Akihiko end up together. That was never my original intention, but as I wrote more, and read some of your comments, I actually considered rescinding the original ending and just continuing the fic into the events of Sekai ichi Hatsukoi and eventually Junjou Romantica (especially because the more I thought about it, the more surprisingly easy it was to do that). However, the ending chapter is really what I had in mind in the beginning so I thought, “Why not both?” So I did write chapter 3 purposefully to draw a line between Prequel and AU in such a way that I could return and continue.**

**However, I have run into an issue: when I do move Hard to Get towards an AU, that’s about 3 chapters worth that you’ve already read, and I feel like just reposting the chapters is a boring idea. I’m wondering if it’s better to A. actually make more chapters to fill in the gaps of time (since this was meant to follow what happens per book Akihiko writes with Ritsu), but keep some of the content the same, B. retell it all from Akihiko’s perspective, C. keep everything in this one fic and just continue it with a disclaimer explaining the original chapter 4 and epilogue, or D. I’m up to whatever suggestions may you all have.**

**Once again, I appreciate all your feedback, and I apologize for the long A/N, but I figured it was better to discuss this now than later.**


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